Announcing edwlynch.com

Dear Sirs, Madams, Miscellaneous:

It is with the most profound joy that I formally announce the launch of my personal, professional, and corporate website:

E. D. W. Lynch / Evan Wagoner-Lynch Official Website

Like me, I'm sure you've felt something has been missing in your life. The answer, clearly, is this extremely handsome website. You'll find a digest of my written, film & video, and humanitarian works. Also, for prospective employers, there are truly earth-shattering cleverness projections and strongly worded pleas for employment.

Please peruse the website and send me comments. Pay special attention to the various works I've posted. For Preferred Rhombus™ members (this means you), there's a special treat as well.

Confederation Announces Independence Day Celebration

To Our Friends & Comrades in the Struggle for Freedom: Congratulations! You have been selected by the 1238 Grand Apartment Confederation’s Citizen’s Anniversary Committee to partake in a buffet of Freedom & Liberty. Announcing the First of One Thousand Anniversary Celebrations marking the sacred founding of The One Thousand Two Hundred Thirty-Eight Grand Apartment Confederation of San Francisco, United States of America.

This apartment government has survived and flourished in a time of great tyranny and terror. Our anniversary celebrates not only the Freedom & Liberty of the citizens of the 1238 Confederation but also that of pretty much everyone else.

THE MAIN EVENT:
The event starts at 9 o’clock, Saturday March 4th in the second year of Freedom (2006.) Booze, light snacks, and Liberty (BYOH- bring your own handgun) will be served. Delegates are expected to dress in a manner that celebrates Freedom. Freedom-based costumes are encouraged. Please practice your signature as you may be asked to sign sacred documents before God.

Space is limited, please consult if you wish to bring anyone. We’ll probably say no, unless their last name is Jefferson or Moroder.

God Bless our Grand Confederation, and God Bless Freedom & Liberty forever and ever.



Gideon Baum Grand Consul & Commander of the Armies, Federated Republics of Baum

Jarret Schreiber Supreme Citizen, Jarret’s Room

E. D. W. Lynch Prince Bishop & Heir Apparent, Grand Duchy of Wagoner & Lynch

Roomstates Agree to Sweeping Strategic Alcohol Cooperation

During intense talks today, the Grand Duchy of Wagoner & Lynch and the Federated Republics of Baum agreed to a wide-ranging cooperation for the purchasing of strategic alcohols.

This move follows a recent announcement of the nationalizing of Fernet and Pernod reserves between the two roomstates.

The Federated Republics cited the "convergence in values and tastes" in recent months as a key reason for the expanding levels of cooperation. Historically, the Grand Duchy has had the largest private reserve of alcohols in the 1238 Confederation. This balance is likely to change as new stocks are purchased bilaterally.

Jarret's Room has made no comment regarding the announcement. However, as Supreme Citizen Jarret hold private alcohol stocks substantially different than those of the Grand Duchy or the Federated Republics, his roomstate is not expected to join in the cooperative accords.

Pizzilla Unveiled at Confederation Event

From the Office of the Press Secretary
1238 Confederation

We can no longer deny the rumors. The 1238 Apartment Confederation now possesses the Pizzilla Smartpizza technology.

We realize this violates the Domino's Pizza™ Oslo Pizza Standards Protocol of 1998, the international laws set forth after the well documented stuffed crust pizza race of the late 90's. The Confederation has decided that the global climate has changed and pizza innovation is now not only permissible but necessary.

In conjunction with our partner in technology, Google Inc., we have developed the Pizza to end all Pizzas: as the Germans call it, Das Endpizza. It features 8 autonomous mini pizzas embedded in the 3 cheese surface. In an emergency, these mini pizzas could detach to feed 8 very small people. We are quite certain this is the first usage of this innovative and life saving technology.

The pizza was announced/eaten at the first 2006 constitutionally mandated dinner party. Amid thunderous applause, the Pizzilla was presented as the apartment anthem, Push It to the Limit, was played on our hi-fi speakers.

The event occurred without incident though a few people were treated and later released for deliciousness related injuries.

Further inquiries may be made to:

Sir E. D. W. Lynch, Archduke and Prince Bishop
General Press Secretary
1238 Apartment Confederation
San Francisco

Ministry of Finance Nationalizes Fernet, Pernod Reserves

The Ministry of Finance has brokered a bilateral Nationalization of 1238 Confederation Fernet Branca and Pernod reserves. The move was made Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006, by the Grand Duchy of Wagoner & Lynch, and the Federated Republics of Baum. All subsequent purchases of these now strategic alcohols will be defrayed betweeen the two roomstates. The alcohols now also fall under the aegis of the Strategic Alcohol Reserve, a key strategic asset of the Confederation.

Jarret's Room has abstained from the Nationalization effort due to taste-based concerns.

Fernet Branca is now the official Digestiv of the 1238 Confederation. Pernod is under consideration.

The Ministry of Truth Announces Official Web-Log

The Ministry of Truth
And
The Office of the General Press Secretary
Announce:

The 1238 Apartment Confederation, a constitutional democratic apartment government based in San Francisco, is inaugurating an international network or "internet" site for the purposes of official communications from the Office of the General Press Secretary.

Founded March 5, 2005, the 1238 Confederation is a loose confederation of three roomstates, bound by a unified love of Freedom & Liberty. The roomstates are, and always shall be: The Federated Republics of Baum, Jarret's Room, and The Grand Duchy of Wagoner & Lynch.

The government of the 1238 Confederation is organized into various ministries and directorates, such as the Ministry of Finance, the Ministry of Health & Life, and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. All roomcitizens are members of a Supreme Legislative Council, the governing body of the Confederation.

This "internet" site shall be administered by the Ministry of Truth and its Office of the General Press Secretary. The contact is Sir E. D. W. Lynch.

Sir E. D. W. Lynch
General Press Secretary
Prince Bishop of the Grand Duchy
Chef General

1238 Apartment Confederation, San Francisco